And Yummy, who is always ready for a game!

Noki likes to follow Yummy around like a little sister, and she always wants to wrestle . . .

 But sometimes it gets old for Yummy, so she has to get a little grumpy!

Only it doesn’t.  When we decide that we want to make X amount of money from X revenue source, that is ATTACHMENT.  In my life, any time I have focused in on one thing and proclaimed, “THIS is what will make me a millionaire!” I can be sure that it won’t.  The reason is that I am TOO attached and have TOO MUCH emotion around the initiative, and if things don’t go EXACTLY as I planned, then I freak out and feel terrible.

The BEST times in my life for making money have been when I wasn’t too focused on it—I remember thinking once several years ago, “Wow, I’m not really doing anything and I’m getting clients, how weird is that?” I was in the zone, not worrying about the business because I had other interests and distractions, which helped me be relaxed and approachable to people seeking my services.  Instead of the stalker-y, control freak that I know I can be when I get worried about something.

For non-self-employed people, the attachment ends up being on the purchasing side of things.  Once, I wanted to overhaul my entire makeup supply with Laura Mercier stuff . . . somehow, I had decided that her makeup was THE SOLUTION to perfect, can’t-tell-it’s-there-but-look-amazing makeup application.

I got this in my head when I was travelling for three weeks, so I couldn’t WAIT to get home and buy this stuff.  I was seriously obsessed.  When I got home, I couldn’t justify buying more makeup until I used up my current foundation and powder (see?  I can be responsible and insane at the same time).  Finally, the day came, and I went to Nordstrom, marched up to the Laura Mercier counter and said to the make-up lady, please make me over, I want everything.

So, she did.  She used enough eyeliner to make me look like a raccoon, which should have tipped me off that this wasn’t in perfect alignment, but I squelched whatever misgivings were coming up.  I bought about $500 worth of makeup and went home to start unpackaging it, organizing it and generally start bonding with it.

Only the bonding never really came.  Sure, there were some good products in there, but where was the magic stuff that was going to completely change how I looked?  Why isn’t the tinted moisturizer making me look 21 again?  Also, this blush wasn’t getting me any more excited than I usually was to actually WEAR blush.  And . . . if there is a woman out there who consistently uses and eyebrow pencil or powders, I’d like to know!

What I took from this experience was that NO SPECIFIC PRODUCT was ever going to make my life better.   There are things you can do at every price point to fix a problem or fill a need, and the minute you start to obsess on ONE WAY that your problem should be fixed, you’re too attached.

The easiest way to combat this is to give yourself a timeout.  Many people have something akin to a gun purchase waiting period that they invoke for any purchase over $150 (that aren’t groceries or household items).  This cuts down on knee-jerk spending.  My wait for Laura Mercier didn’t count, because I never went and assessed the reality first.  My waiting period should have been directly AFTER the makeover.

Another tactic you can use is brainstorm alternate ways that you can fill this need.  Can you borrow one?  Is there something on Craigslist that will work until you know you’re going to use it?  I have a friend who has mastered frugality, and when his wife wanted a Belgian Waffle iron, he said she could only buy one that she found in Goodwill or on Craigslist—in other words, not new.  It was sort of fun for her to look, and there were dozens of people like me who were on the lookout for it, so she got one in almost zero time at all! 

So, the next time you’re watching infomercials and feel compelled to purchase a Thigh Master, remember that there are TONS of ways to slim your thighs that cost nothing (for one, stop watching infomercials and go for a walk) so if you feel yourself becoming attached to a thing that you feel you MUST buy, remember to ask yourself, “How would a person behave or solve this problem if this specific thing wasn’t available to buy?”

You might end up getting specifically what you wanted, or you might find an alternative that leaves you just as satisfied.  Either is fine—and that’s unattachment!

My first epiphany was thanks to Byron Katie.  She engages a person in a line of questioning that can be VERY IRRITATING if you’re attached to whatever issue you’re working on.  So when a person says “I need more money” she asks, is it true?  Is it really true?   . . . and I always thought, this is simple math, of COURSE a person running at a deficit needs more money!! 

But I finally got it.  Most of the time when people make the statement “I need more money,” they are projecting themselves into a future situation where bills are due and they have no money to pay them.  This is total fiction; just because you can imagine something happening a certain way doesn’t make it so!  So when you do that, you’re lying to yourself because you are not accounting for changes to your situation or any outside intervention.

Let’s take the scarier example:  You DO have a bill that’s due and no means to pay for it.  For this to feel better, you have to pull yourself into the present moment and ask yourself, “Right this very moment, do I need more money?”  If you break things down to the present moment, you suddenly realize that at the present moment, you’re FINE without more money.  Even after a bill is late.

Most people worry BEFORE the bill is due, and then worry AFTER the bill is late.  With linear, mathematical thinking, there is really only one moment in time that is an actual event:  whether or not you pay the bill.  You rationalize that if you pay the bill, then you’ll feel relief that you had “enough” money.  However, this is the attachment that is so dangerous—and used to be my big issue.  If you DON’T pay the bill, you’ll feel terrible and think all kinds of horrible things about yourself.  So because of a simply act of not paying something “on time,” I’m either relieved and secure or anxiety-ridden and a horrible person.  Because I did or didn’t pay a bill on time??  I don’t think so.

If you stick to your present moment, you’ll realize that you don’t need ANYTHING to be completely fine.  Late bills, credit scores and whatever else freaks you out are as arbitrary and meaningless as the grade you got in geometry as a high school freshman.  These external issues are irrelevant to your happiness . . . and the key to true happiness is awareness in the present, NOT projecting into the future.

Sure, you might not have as much money as you want IN THE MOMENT, but as Byron Katie says, “At this moment, no one has more money than they have.” So, take a deep breath, consider your present moment and start working your way from there.